"Whenever you're in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is attitude." - William James
Choose people who are open to love.
That's right, I said it. Choose people who are open to love.
Sounds obvious, doesn't it? Well I'll be the first to admit that I have altered, changed, obsessed and thought about how to act around people I like so they won't reject me. Another way of looking at this is: I stopped being ME to please someone else.
This is messed up in two ways:
1. I would abandon myself to make someone else happy (#fail).
2. The person I was pretending to be would be who the other person would like, not the real me (#fail).
So when we do this, and we all do, we let ourselves down and actually lie to the other person, too. So when we are finally our real selves, the other person is shocked to find out the truth.
The answer is simple, but not easy: be radically yourself.
Don't abandon yourself to please another. Open up, be a dork (yes, I am projecting), be a little crazy, be sweet, kind, generous and all those things you wish to have in someone else.
You see, many times we hold back these previous things because we think we will turn off or offend the other person... But the truth is, we should be open and ourselves and celebrate when people reject us. Because they AIN'T open to our love.
We want someone who is open, willing and excited to receive what we have to give. Just like they want someone who is excited, open and willing to receive what they have to give.
The bottom line: don't close down, shut off or tone yourself down because you think the other person will reject you. If they aren't attracted to who you really are, then good, time saved and you can move on. Lingering in a false identity to get the approval of someone else is the ultimate betrayal of your personal integrity. We do it because we love approval from other people. The only problem is that we are building our house on a bed of sand. It will tumble eventually and the truth will be exposed.
So today and every day forward, let's have no fear to be ourselves. Let's make a pact to be radically ourselves and let the chips fall where they may. The right person will stick, but only if you have the courage, clarity and self-love to let go of the wrong one.
Be you out loud today. I dare you.